With the debate raging over the acquisition and then the loss in California of gay civil marriage rights via the Christian-backed Proposition 8 (aka Prop H8), what if we instead considered an alternative for legal adult long-term relationships?
Given that 40-50% of American marriages end in divorce, it is appropriate for reasonable people to view this institution with a critical eye. What is it about the institution of marriage that is so appealing, despite its high fail rate? In any other context, such a high fail rate would damn the object in question to either a complete revision or dismissal as a failed product, service, or process. Yet, straight Americans continue getting drunk and married in quickie Las Vegas weddings and divorce just as quickly, apparently with whimsy. So much for the “sanctity” of marriage touted by the religious extremists. Of interest, “born-again” Christians are more likely to divorce than others, according to the Barna Research Group.
It would appear that gay folks want the right to fail in legal relationships as much as do straight people, when it comes to marriages. Also, given the hundreds of associated rights and legal privileges attached to being married – the best known is a change in federal tax status – one could imagine that gay people want to access these rights in an equal fashion, as citizens of America. For those folks, bravo to your courage in the work to procure full equality. What happened to getting protections from being fired for being lesbian or gay: why was this not a priority more than marriage rights, as it affects nearly all of us? Think of the resources and time that gay folks would save if we focused on ENDA, instead, and worked to educate people about our relationships. 
How about this idea: what if we abolish the term “marriage” completely from the civil realm of the US and implement civil unions for all adult long-term relationships, with all marriage rights granted to civil unions? Then, the religious types can embrace marriage and the rest of civil society can embrace an evolved, legal partnership with full civil rights. What if we go one step further and make these civil unions a binding legal contract that expires after a period of, say, five years, with the option to renew or terminate without consequence and with common financial support?
It seems the rush for assimilation into American and Western society predominates in the gay community. Never mind that our fore-gays fought and struggled for generations just to be made visible as they were with their contributions to society valued and not demeaned. Now, partnered gays want to same right to bicker, stay in meaningless relationships, and divorce, just like our straight neighbors.
All of us deserve better models for relationships and legally sanctioned civil unions could be a better alternative than the failed and outmoded institution of marriage.
PROFILE James is a storyteller, musician, thinker, scholar, technopagan, creative, and polymath. MORE from Creative
